Though the fig tree should not blossom,
nor fruit be on the vines,
the produce of the olive fail
and the fields yield no food,
the flock be cut off from the fold
and there be no herd in the stalls,
yet I will rejoice in the LORD;
I will take joy in the God of my salvation.
(Habakkuk 3:17-18 )
On Saturday I went to Kollaboration Acoustic kinda unexpectedly so I could watch a couple talented performers. At the end of the night the ones I went to go watch did deliver. Sam Kang did his usual yet pleasant and story telling performance with Shots and Beer, while Paul Dateh delivered an amazing display of virtuosity on his violin, songwriting, and vocals. I guess this was just my plug for this post, but what I really remember from that night, is how I was humiliated.
There was a freestyle guitar competition that evening with the winner receiving a hundred dollars. I remember exalting myself throughout the day thinking, “ha, I’m gonna get my compensation for the 30 bucks that I spent on parking and ticket and gas.” I was exalting myself through my continuous daydreams of delivering a flawless performance of John Mayer’s “Where the Light Is” intro to Neon. When the time came, however, nothing quite happened like I processed in my head. I was the second contestant after a nostalgic performance of #41 by the first contestant. As I walked up, I felt as though the crowd was anticipating something amazing, well at least I feel as if I was pressured to deliver something amazing. All my friends were out in the crowd, I remember a conversation with Josh Baek, about how he felt comforted that there was someone that was going to go up to give a cool acoustic freestyle presentation. I was pressured for sure. I feel like I don’t usually get nervous on a stage, especially with just a guitar. But at that moment, the spotlight shined on me, with what felt like thousands of staring faces. I froze. The First embarrassing moment was when I took a minute to tune to a low “c” which probably set the first awkward aura, the Second embarrassing moment was the actual playing portion. Basically, I played what a quarter of what I wanted to play for the 30 seconds. There was no build up at all. No melody really. Just a little bit of bass/treble or shall I say rhythm/melody action going on. My rhythm was off on the slapping part. The whole thing, I would say was just terrible.
The strange thing though, is after I played, as awkward as it was, I couldn’t help, but just to laugh. I thought that was so bad, I was embarrassed, but instead of hiding my face I just laughed. The whole ordeal just became funny to me.
Earlier that day I read in Humility by CJ Mahaney and he quoted Terry Lindvall on the subject of laughter:
Laughter is a divine gift to the human who is humble. A proud man cannot laugh because he must watch his dinity; he cannot give himself over to the rocking and rolling of his belly. But a poor and happy man laughs heartily because he gives no serious attention to his ego.
I’m not saying I wasn’t proud. I definitely was proud. Throughout the day and night I couldn’t help myself from feeding my ego the junk which is pride. But when the moment came when I just knew that all my confidence, all my self-sufficiency, all of what I prided over were humbled and demolished from my humiliation I couldn’t help but laugh.
I am utterly convicted that this was of God. I may have not been in a circumstance that Habakkuk was in (and probably will never be), but I learned that no matter what type of circumstance I am in I can’t help, but rejoice. I can’t help, but to laugh about the humiliation I received by the God’s act of bring humility into my life. I can’t help, but rejoice be God is working and molding me.
I’m glad, because as such a minor circumstance this may have been that I have been concerned over, God delivered me by the reminder that only dependence on God is sufficient for living. This event reminded me to take joy in my salvation, for God has graciously built a bridge to have a relationship with Him through his Son.
Thank You
-Alex Yi
